How Sez Sees It

It is customary this time of year to look back at all the things we have done and all the things we are going to do in the future. I am no exception so here is what I remember about this year. January: I started the year all nervous because I had a job interview. It happened to be the day that the rain began to fall and caused a load of flooding. Needless to say I did not get the job. The person who did get the job no longer does the job. Ok then. February: The floods drained away and I was able to make it into Southampton to see the favourite one...aka, Luke Lucas (alright, that isn't his real surname but it is the one he goes by on stage). My favourite band had announced their split the year before and this was their farewell tour. Luke gained a unicorn t-shirt and I gained a right laugh. Then I took a trip to Bristol and pretended I wasn't actually stalking him (ok I actually wasn't but it was a long way to go for one gig). Dave and I stayed there and met some lo...

I am engaged and before I get going I want you all to know that I am very happy. I do love my fiancé very much and I can’t wait for the day that we stand there in front of everyone and make a declaration of our love. There are some things that have made me question the institution of marriage and in fact any relationship. This may be the slight feminist in me talking or just personal experience and even from things I have seen around me. I just don’t feel comfortable with certain aspects of relationships. Let us take marriage as an example first of all. There is still an expectation in the western world that the woman will take the man’s name. I do know of a case where this was the other way round as the surname of the bride was rare and so the man took this name in order to keep it going. This is very unusual and generally speaking it is the woman who takes the man’s name. This convention is a hangover from the idea that marriage is a change of ownership from one man (father)...

This is an interesting thought and I guess you could break it down by a number of categories. Where does this thought come from though? Well, last night (Tuesday 27 May 2014) I was at a gig in a small local venue. The genre of music I like is rock/metal/metalcore and last night was the last of the three. I am aware that people like to go a bit crazy at these shows and that is part of the amusement for me, watching other people going at it in the circle pit and wondering how no one ends up being carted off to hospital. Last night was no exception and there were some big lads there who were throwing themselves around, windmilling and kicking in all directions. Then I looked at the rest of the crowd and there were a fair number of women there (it was an 18 plus show, so only us grown ups allowed). The women were not involved and not getting in the pit and then I looked at their faces. One might argue that there was a mixture of bemusement and fear. The fear element was around whethe...

There are times when I have to remind myself that everything gets better. I have a new job to start and before that I am going to Dublin and to see a friend of mine play with his band as support for another band and that should all make me happy and give me something to look forward to right? Wrong. I can't seem to focus on the positive things that are coming up in my life because I am not quite there yet. Those in my immediate are determined to make things as hard as possible. I am not talking my family or friends here either, just the other people you meet every day. Some of them are strangers to me and they fleetingly enter my world, cock something up and go again before they are even registered as existing by me. This leaves me with a strong sense that the whole effort is not worth it. I know I have to hang on to see if things will improve when I have a job and house and whatever. That is sort of keeping me going, but it is tough when you want an easier way out. On to...

I can't quite remember the first time I saw Wil Francis and Aiden in Kerrang Magazine. It was a few years back. I know it was round about the time I first started buying it regularly. It was actually Green Day that hooked me in to reading the mag regularly when they graced the cover in January 2005. I had recently re-discovered my love of that band and wanted to reconnect with that world I guess. Still, I was reading regularly and this moody, grainy, black and white image of Wil Francis appeared in the pages. I don't even know who the photographer was, but the moodiness of the shot was amazing. Everything, from the cigarette to his clothes, his hair and his tattoos just drew my eye. I had already got into Aiden for their music, but for some reason this shot just drew me in even further. I can't really explain the way I felt looking at that picture. Well a couple of years down the line and we get to the way Kerrang ruined my life. Already an avid reader I turned the page...

For some reason I always like to start a new year stressing myself out. Be it with a job interview, house hunting or just getting worked up over people that don't deserve it. Rather than taking everything as a new opportunity to be enjoyed and liked, I have this weird compulsion to just make myself feel very stressed and angry before I settle into a new year. I have no idea why I would behave like this and it can in no way be of any benefit to me. So why do I do it? Maybe that is all just down to my own personality. I am what we call 'one of life's great worriers'. I worry about everything! Just ask my fiance! Dave (fiance) on the other hand does worry, but in a different way. I am very vocal about my worrying and I display physical signs, such as not eating or sleeping. Dave is very calm and quiet and considers the situation. I feel he usually comes out of anything better than I do. So why are we both such different characters when it comes to worrying about stuf...

My new year is starting on 3 January. A year ago someone came to me for help. They were lovely and wanted to be my friend. I was going through a rough patch, I sort of do every winter... Wait...let me give you some context. In the winter of 2008 I was with a destructive human being who was hurting me mentally. They put me in a state of depression, confusion and self-loathing. I was bed ridden, anxious and although I wanted to die I was too afraid of dying to do it. Much counselling and support from the man who is now my fiance later and I am stronger. I still have relapses and struggle, but I cope a lot better than I did before. So along comes this nameless person. I was over the moon that they wanted to have anything to do with me. They had recently started seeing someone who is close to my heart and I wanted to get to know the person who could make him so happy. When they needed my help I did what I usually do and jumped to help them. We got to know each other from there an...

This year I want to lose weight. I am currently sat in my trousers that fit before Christmas and they are way too tight. Wait! Doesn't everyone put on a bit of weight over Christmas? Well, yes. I guess most people do anyway. However, this has been a long time coming. Even before Christmas I was not happy with my weight. On top of that I have had other issues connected to my weight that are making me feel awful. I have been getting regular headaches, my back aches from time to time and I know my knees (which have an injury anyway) are suffering more than usual. On top of that I know that my lack of fitness, eating well and exercise have been contributing to my low periods and making my depression worse than usual. There is my second one. I want to fight my mood. I want to have a more positive outlook and to get myself sorted and on the right track. Like I say, the exercise and eating well should help with this too. So unfortunately for you all I am going to be banging on abo...