Miscarriage - the things they don't tell you

After two miscarriages, this is what I have learned

About three weeks ago I suffered my second miscarriage in six months. This has been a weird year anyway, but there are some things I really wish I had been told before I miscarried, or at least when the first one happened.

1. You hurt...a lot

I had been led to believe that a miscarriage was like a heavy period. My periods are heavy anyway and there is a lot of cramping involved, so I thought I would be prepared for a miscarriage. However, they are NOTHING like a period.

The pain you feel is actually proper contractions as you have to effectively give birth to it. I even felt the urge to push at times and I was only at 6 weeks for both of my miscarriages. Both times I had to stop working (the second time I was at home because of the pandemic) and go to bed. The pain was not lessened when I took Ibuprofen and I ended up in writhing pain for a few hours. The contractions went on beyond that, but I could get them under control. 

I would say I felt some pain for a few days after that I could cope with. It was more like someone scrapping my insides with a knife, but I could deal. Basically the pain doesn't last long, but it is very intense when it does happen.

2. You bleed...a lot

More than any period you bleed a lot and you get blood clots that look like bits of liver. They are even slightly solid like a piece of liver. Make sure you have thick sanitary towels as you may even have to wear night time ones during the day at your heaviest. Do not wear a tampon!

It will stop as soon as it starts though. You will just stop!

3. You will lose your appetite for weeks!

This is a weird one and may be hormone related or may be grief related. It is hard to tell. I am several weeks out and I still don't have it back. A quick look on Mumsnet suggests that this is not unusual and it does come back. For some people it comes back sooner than others. I am making myself eat though.

4. You grieve

I never processed my first miscarriage and I lost my nan in June so when the second one happened I had an out pouring of grief. Some of it was delayed grief and some was for this time around. I was only 6 weeks each time, but I still felt like I had lost something big.

5. You feel guilty

You question if you could have done something to prevent a miscarriage from happening. Most of the time it is a genetic thing and there is nothing you can do. You have not done anything wrong and there is nothing you can do to prevent it.

Hopefully all of this will help you to realise that this is all a little more normal.

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