Every day sexism is alive and well
To be honest, today was not the best day to try and piss me off. I will get the TMI moment out of the way quickly. I have the worst period cramps ever and that makes me more than a little irritable. Still, this is no excuse for the pathetic behaviour I experienced today.
The back story is that my fiancé's friend told him about a wrestling show and asked if he wanted to go. I spoke to my fiancé and said we needed more notice as the tickets are a lot of money and, as we have just moved into our first house and the first month's mortgage is a little higher than usual, we were going to have to be tight with our money.
The big mistake (and I hold my hands up to this) was that the entire exchange took place on Facebook. Never air your dirty washing in public they say, but my comment was off the cuff and my fiancé's response was just the same. He simply said he wasn't interested in seeing that show and he recognised that we didn't have the money for it at this time. It was nothing really, just a quick little response that confirmed what I thought I already knew.
The response from this person's friends has been sickening though. We are all in our late 20's and they have accused me of 'henpecking' my fiancé. The reality is that we are an equal partnership and we know that we can't afford this sort of thing right now and have to prioritise what we do. He has already expressed an interest in a different show next year and this seems more reasonable.
We do things together and we have our alone time. He sees his friends and I see mine. He plays his computer games while I watch my J-Dramas and J-Comedies. We have a good system going and we are happy.
What shocks me though is that in 2015, in my generation which is supposed to be more progressive than the one that went before, we are in a situation where we have little boys (they cannot be called men) who are so insecure that they believe it right to accuse another man of being 'henpecked'.
In my job I earn more than my fiancé, but the way we look at it the money we both earn is a joint income. What is mine is his and vice versa. This works for us and we see that as the easiest way of keeping track of our outgoings. We each have a personal spending allowance too and that is equal amounts and then we have a joint spending allowance for things we do together (like paying for a trip to the cinema or something). We have separate savings accounts but that is to get past the protection limit on savings. The money is used equally.
There seems to be a shocking lack of understanding in this particular group that I have experienced comments from that men and women are capable of having equal relationships. I don't give a crap what my fiancé does, but there needs to be an agreement of how it will be paid for and we need to check we can afford these things. I would hope he would question me if I wanted to do something. I certainly wouldn't just go ahead and do it without approval. Christ, I even asked him if I could buy a new laptop when mine died even though I already had the funds saved up for it.
Working together is not weird and it is not something to be laughed at. The fact that my fiancé wants to speak to me about money shows how seriously he is taking this being a grown up thing. I think that makes him more of a man than these insecure little boys.
It may seem like a little thing to be worked up over, but the reality is that if we don't get angry over the little things then change will never happen on a larger scale. I am a strong person when I want to be but having suffered anxiety disorders for a number of years now this sort of thing, when I am caught on a low day, can knock me really far back.
Today is what I call a 'good day'. I am too distracted by the insane cramping to really feel the anxiety so instead I am getting pissed off with these little boys.
We all need to start getting more angry about the little things and we need to do it now. Otherwise, how can we make the big changes and make society more equal?
The back story is that my fiancé's friend told him about a wrestling show and asked if he wanted to go. I spoke to my fiancé and said we needed more notice as the tickets are a lot of money and, as we have just moved into our first house and the first month's mortgage is a little higher than usual, we were going to have to be tight with our money.
The big mistake (and I hold my hands up to this) was that the entire exchange took place on Facebook. Never air your dirty washing in public they say, but my comment was off the cuff and my fiancé's response was just the same. He simply said he wasn't interested in seeing that show and he recognised that we didn't have the money for it at this time. It was nothing really, just a quick little response that confirmed what I thought I already knew.
The response from this person's friends has been sickening though. We are all in our late 20's and they have accused me of 'henpecking' my fiancé. The reality is that we are an equal partnership and we know that we can't afford this sort of thing right now and have to prioritise what we do. He has already expressed an interest in a different show next year and this seems more reasonable.
We do things together and we have our alone time. He sees his friends and I see mine. He plays his computer games while I watch my J-Dramas and J-Comedies. We have a good system going and we are happy.
What shocks me though is that in 2015, in my generation which is supposed to be more progressive than the one that went before, we are in a situation where we have little boys (they cannot be called men) who are so insecure that they believe it right to accuse another man of being 'henpecked'.
In my job I earn more than my fiancé, but the way we look at it the money we both earn is a joint income. What is mine is his and vice versa. This works for us and we see that as the easiest way of keeping track of our outgoings. We each have a personal spending allowance too and that is equal amounts and then we have a joint spending allowance for things we do together (like paying for a trip to the cinema or something). We have separate savings accounts but that is to get past the protection limit on savings. The money is used equally.
There seems to be a shocking lack of understanding in this particular group that I have experienced comments from that men and women are capable of having equal relationships. I don't give a crap what my fiancé does, but there needs to be an agreement of how it will be paid for and we need to check we can afford these things. I would hope he would question me if I wanted to do something. I certainly wouldn't just go ahead and do it without approval. Christ, I even asked him if I could buy a new laptop when mine died even though I already had the funds saved up for it.
Working together is not weird and it is not something to be laughed at. The fact that my fiancé wants to speak to me about money shows how seriously he is taking this being a grown up thing. I think that makes him more of a man than these insecure little boys.
It may seem like a little thing to be worked up over, but the reality is that if we don't get angry over the little things then change will never happen on a larger scale. I am a strong person when I want to be but having suffered anxiety disorders for a number of years now this sort of thing, when I am caught on a low day, can knock me really far back.
Today is what I call a 'good day'. I am too distracted by the insane cramping to really feel the anxiety so instead I am getting pissed off with these little boys.
We all need to start getting more angry about the little things and we need to do it now. Otherwise, how can we make the big changes and make society more equal?
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