Pregnancy - What they don't tell you

Lessons I have learned in the first 22 weeks of pregnancy

There are many things that we do know about pregnancy because those are the things that people talk about all the time. There are plenty of other things that are not spoken about. As a first time mum I am terrified when new things happen to me. I have been honest in the past about my mental health and part of that is health anxiety. As a result I have put this blog together to explain some of the less talked about things so that I can help other people.

I would like to note that the following is from my own experience only. Your's may be totally different and that is absolutely fine. Every pregnancy is different and every woman will experience it differently. With that said, enjoy!

What they do tell you

The things other women will happily talk about with regards to pregnancy are few and far between. There are some things though that, if you asked anyone on the street, they would tell you they know the following about pregnancy.

Morning sickness

A common one. However, not all women will experience this and it will vary from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy. Some women will describe feeling sick and others will describe being sick. Some women experience it so badly it last all pregnancy and not just the first trimester and some will even end up in hospital (although this is very rare).

For me I had the sickness start around week eight and last until around week 17. It would wash over me all of a sudden so I would throw up and then feel instantly better before going on about my daily business like nothing happened. I also found that mine was more likely in the late afternoon or early evening and would occassionally happen just before bed when I was brushing my teeth and setting off my gag reflex. I would usually only be sick once a day though so I considered myself to be quite lucky.

It is a myth that more sickness will mean a girl or twins (although twins is more likely shown by more sickness). I was barely sick at all and yet my most recent scan told us that we are having a girl! My mother was convinced it was a boy because I was hardly sick and it was mostly in the evenings. This was her experience before having my brother and yet she was sick all the time with me.

Feeling tired

To me this was worse than the morning sickness. I was getting a full night of sleep (rare for me) and then I was napping several times a day as well. As the hormones kicked in and I started growing a small human I just really wanted to sleep all the time. 

Once I got into the second trimester I got some of my energy back, which was good as that is when the insomia started (more of which later).

Cravings

This is one that most people will tell you they have had. For me, it has only been salt so far. I quite like savoury things anyway, but this has been really intense at times. Otherwise I have eaten fairly normally thoughout my pregnancy.

Can't eat certain things

We all know that pregnant women should give up alcohol and cigarettes along with caffiene and some other types of food. That includes blue cheese, soft french cheeses (so my Xmas is ruined), some types of fish and deli meats. 

The reason for this is that it can make you very sick and this can affect the baby. Alcohol will cause birth defects, as will cigarette smoking, but a lot of the other stuff is to avoid food poisoning or parasites (such as toxoplasmosis) from harming the baby.

What they don't tell you

You can lose your appetite

I found that, rather than craving food, there were things I just didn't fancy in the first trimester. As I have gone into the second trimester my taste has gone back to normal, but it took a good long time and it really has only been in the last three weeks (from week 19) that I would say everything is back to normal.

Instead I really lost my appetite so that along with the morning sickness I actually lost some weight before I started putting it on. 

Everything tasting weird can be an early sign of pregnancy. Of course, I am writing this during the Covid-19 pandemic, so if you can't taste anything at all it might be that. However, if you can still taste things, but they don't taste the way they should, you could be pregnant. This is all to do with the hormonal changes going on in your body at the time. This should settle down in the second trimester as it did for me.

Bleeding

It is possible to bleed at any stage of your pregnancy and not all of it is harmful to the baby. Around 5/6 weeks you will likely experience cramping and implantation bleeding (I did, but not all women will necessarily experience this). For me personally it was worse than period cramping but with less blood yet not as bad as my miscarriages.

At eight weeks some women might experience some bleeding that is more like a period. Your body is still getting used to being pregnant so you are kind of having a mini-period at this point. This can be really scary though as it is still in the most at risk time.

Of course some heavy and painful bleeding, especially early on, might be a sign of miscarriage. It is most common in the first trimester and there is nothing you can do. It took me a long time to realise that it was not my fault. Humans have repeating sets of 23 chromosomes and if that number isn't there (either too many or two few) the pregnancy will not take and you will lose the baby. 

Bleeding may be common in later pregnancy as there is more blood flow and an irritated cervix or an infection can cause some bleeding. At the end of pregnancy some women lose their mucus plug just as they go into labour (this is literally a plug of mucus that prevents bacteria from entering the uterus). This may also include some blood and is sometimes known as a 'bloody show'. 

However, it goes without saying that any bleeding can be concerning and if you have any doubts please get in contact with your doctor or midwife. It is better to be safe than sorry.

Insomnia

We all expect to be tired once the baby arrives, but during the second trimester it is common to experience insomnia. This might be down to needing the loo more as the baby presses on your bladder or hormones or feeling too hot (your body temperature rises during pregnancy) or feeling uncomfortable.

The advice is to lie on your side at night so that your blood pressure doesn't drop and you don't harm the baby by lying on it or cutting off the blood supply. The left hand side is thought to be the best option for circulation, but the right hand side is better than sleeping on your back or your stomach. I have found that sleeping on my side is fine to start with, but by the end of the night my hips really hurt and so I often lie awake trying to find a more comfortable position while still protecting my baby.

Constipation

You need to consume way more water during pregnancy for the baby and yourself, but it also helps to relieve constipation. Keeping a balanced diet will also help, but the digestive system seriously slows down during pregnancy. This could be hormonal or it could be to help absorb more nutrients for you and the growing baby. However, the longer waste stays in the system the harder it will be to get rid of (and I am the expert as I have IBS-C).

Don't strain and don't try and hold it in. Relax, take a walk, take a warm bath or shower and hold a warm compress to your back or stomach to get things moving. Drinking water is the best thing to get things shifting again though. Unfortunately most medication is out unless you have spoken to a doctor and had something prescribed.

Medication

Speaking of medication in general it is accepted that Paracetomol is the only pain killer you should take (and then at the lowest possible level) as this is more of a nerve blocker. Ibuprofen is an NSAID, which means that it is absorbed into the system to take down inflammation. However, this can cause upset stomachs and therefore should not be used when pregnant. For headaches I have resorted to either a cold compress or 4Head (a menthol rub that goes on your forehead and doesn't get absorbed into the skin).

If you have diahorrea you should avoid immodium as this can harm your baby. In fact all you can do is sit on the toilet, pray to whichever god you choose and drink plenty of water to replace lost fluids. If it lasts longer than a day then see a doctor as soon as possible.

I have found that rennies are good if you are feeling queasy and, as long as you don't take more than the recommended daily dose, you can take these for settling a stomach.

Sore boobs

Some women find their boobs get bigger during pregnancy. Mine have stayed exactly the same except the nipple is bigger. Sore boobs can be an early sign of pregnancy. You may need to buy a maternity bra for comfort and later in pregnancy you might need breast pads if your nipples leak some milk (fairly common).

How much blood you give

At the first meeting with my midwife I had to give six (SIX) vials of blood to be tested for a range of things including my rhesus blood type, HIV and diabeties. You can choose not to have these tests done, but if you are on the NHS it is totally worth it for the peace of mind.

At my first scan I also went along the corridor to give another vial of blood (this was about a week after my midwife appointment) so that they could test for Edward's, Patau's and Down's sydromes. Again, this is optional, but if you are a certain age you might want to go for these tests as the risks can increase with maternal age.

How much urine you give

At every midwife appointment I have to take some urine with me. This is to test for things like proteins and other nasties that might show there is a problem with either me or the baby. Diabeties is very common in pregnancy so it is worth doing just to make sure you don't have it. However, you do have to learn to aim into a very small pot in order to achieve this.

Oh and don't worry about being embarassed handing wee over to the midwife, they see this all the time!

Dizzy spells

Blood pressure can drop during pregnancy and you also have a lot more blood in your body so dizzy spells after standing up too fast can be a problem. I had this the other night when I got up to go to the bathroom and the world was spinning like I was drunk. Take things slow, drink plenty of water and don't panic.

Totes emosh!

Hormones are buggers! One minute you will be sitting there laughing your head off at something, the next you are crying your eyes out for no reason and the next you are ready to kill someone or something! Mood swings can get a bit out of control and there is very little you can do other than apologise to whoever is on the receiving end.

How much discomfort at scans

Scans are wonderful things. While the sonographer is trying to make sure everything is where it should be and doing what it should be doing, you get to see your little one. However, you have to do some weird stuff to get the process to work.

The letters I received before the scans said I needed a 'moderately full bladder'. This makes the image sharper, but you have someone pressing down on your lower regions so you have to learn to tie a knot in it at the same time. 

Also the sonographer will have to press down quite hard. The more over weight you are the more pressure they have to apply too (I am a bit over weight). This means you are lying there with this incredible feeling of wonder as you look at your little one on the screen, but at the same time you are trying to bite your lip so you don't tell the sonographer to back off as you are feeling a bit uncomfortable and you might pee on them!

Also, if your baby misbehaves like mine did then you have to try and 'trick' the baby by lying on one side and then the other to get them to turn. That is tricky when you are on an unstable gurney with gel all over your stomach and your trousers pulled down to your hips.

Get free jabs

Ok this is controversal even though it should not be. If you have free health care, like I do with the NHS, you will be offered free vaccines! It is amazing!

Whooping cough

This one surprised my mum as back in her day the baby was given this after birth. Now the mother receives this to protect her and the unborn baby. It is a two for one. Whooping cough is a bacterial infection of the lungs and breathing tubes and is so named because the person infected makes a 'whoop' sound when they try to breath. It is highly infectious and dangerous so is worth having done.

Flu

If you are pregnant around flu season you are likely to be offered a flu vaccine. I have had flu and it is one of the worst experiences of my life so there is no way that I would ever want to have it again, let alone while pregnant. I had no side effects with this or the whooping cough vaccine and cannot stress enough how important it is to protect you and the baby. Also, as they are free why wouldn't you hav this done???

Covid

As I am writing during a pandemic there is lots of talk about the Covid-19 vaccines. Although no studies have been done (because no ethics committee would ever sign off on testing pregnant women for anything, which is why no medicines are considered 100% safe), there is enough real world evidence to suggest that the benefits of the vaccine far out weigh any risks and it is a far better alternative to getting covid itself. Pregnant women of any age are advised that Pfizer and Moderna are the safest covid vaccines to receive. As most pregnant women will be in the younger age groups anyway they are more likely to be offered these as they are recommended for younger people to avoid clotting or any other side effects.

Many of the young women in hospital in the UK as I write this are pregnant women who have not been vaccinated but have caught covid. When you are pregnant your immune system drops so the body doesn't try to fight off the baby. This means that you are more likely to get all kinds of viruses and covid is no different.

I had my first dose of Pfizer before I was pregnant and joked that I would get pregnant before my second dose. I had my second dose when I was eight weeks pregnant. The only side effects for me bother times were a slightly sore arm and I felt a bit more tired than usual. There have been no ill effects for my baby and she is strong and kicking away more and more every day.

Every midwife I have spoken to has had tears of joy in their eyes when I say I am double vaxxed. I don't want to ask what they have been through in the last couple of years, but I am guessing they have seen some shit. Getting the covid vaccine is the best thing I have done for me and my baby. I thoroughly recommend that anyone that can have it done should do so. Trust me, you and your baby will be absolutely fine. I am living proof of this.

Won't see anyone for the first 8 - 10 weeks!

Sadly, because the risk of miscarriage is so high in the first couple of months you won't see a midwife for the first eight to 10 weeks of your pregnancy. I didn't see anyone until week 11 and the following week was my first scan! This feels harsh, especially as a first time mum who had two early miscarriages. I felt very isolated and scared in those first couple of months. With the implantation bleeding and things like that I honestly thought I was losing another pregnancy at times and some reassurance from a midwife would have been nice.

However, in the UK midwife units are vastly under funded and therefore understaffed. With the high risks in the first couple of months it is just not practical to see mothers who might lose their babies in the mean time. No, this doesn't help when you are scared and have had bad experiences in the past, but it can't be helped. Unless we do more to persuade our government to properly fund maternity services this will keep happening. 

My unit is so understaffed that the midwife I was initially assigned was retiring and so for my second appointment I was given one who is covering the work load until a permanent midwife can be assigned to me. I have another appointment in November (two weeks away from writing this) and it is yet to be seen if I will receive a permanent midwife.

Personally I feel sad that it has come to this. Support from the earliest stages for first time mums should be a priority and it just can't be in the UK. Something needs to be done because the stress and worry I experienced is not good for any woman going through pregnancy for the first time. The stress and worry of being over worked is not good for any midwife either.

Pregnancy is great

The aim of this blog is to take away some of the fear surrounding the things that just aren't spoken about (and even for the things that are). Being pregnant is great despite all the challenges and I am so excited to meet my little girl in a few months time.

I have tried to be brutally honest throughout and share my personal experience, but remember, it is just my experience. You may have a totally different one to me and wonder what the hell I was banging on about.

If you have any medical questions I would advise speaking to your midwife or doctor in the first instance. Don't Google things because that will only fill you with fear and misinformation. There are loads of forums out there too where most woment try to be reassuring and give genuinely good advice, but there is always that one person who likes to tell their horror story to frighten mothers. Take everything you read with a pinch of salt (including this blog).