My new year starts today
My new year is starting on 3 January.
A year ago someone came to me for help. They were lovely and wanted to be my friend. I was going through a rough patch, I sort of do every winter...
Wait...let me give you some context.
In the winter of 2008 I was with a destructive human being who was hurting me mentally. They put me in a state of depression, confusion and self-loathing. I was bed ridden, anxious and although I wanted to die I was too afraid of dying to do it. Much counselling and support from the man who is now my fiance later and I am stronger. I still have relapses and struggle, but I cope a lot better than I did before.
So along comes this nameless person. I was over the moon that they wanted to have anything to do with me. They had recently started seeing someone who is close to my heart and I wanted to get to know the person who could make him so happy. When they needed my help I did what I usually do and jumped to help them.
We got to know each other from there and things were wonderful. That is until I got cut off. To this day I don't know why that happened. I don't want to go into it here.
I want to break here and say that I do not blame this person per se. They are in a really tricky situation. If I were them I would struggle too. It can't be easy being with someone who does what they do for a living. I admire this person for standing by them for all this time and putting up with some of the stuff they do. More on this later.
The result of all this behaviour was that I felt lower than I had since 2008. Not quite that bad, but it was pretty awful. I went through all the motions and also had this person come and go from my life for about seven months. Then there was a weird situation surrounding their birthday and I didn't hear from them until a random birthday message on my birthday.
I feel this merely triggered my mood for 2013. There was a lot else going on behind the scenes but I think it was the straw that broke the camel's back...so to speak.
I want to say again that this person is someone that I admire still. I love them and I wish them all the best. If they decided that they don't want me in their life I have to respect that and move on. If they ever see this though, I want them to know that I only want the best for them and their happiness means more to me than they could ever know. If they ever want to talk to me again I will be more than happy to be open, but I leave it up to them to make contact and understand that things may not be that simple for them. I feel that even I, with the work I do, puts them in a potentially uncomfortable situation. I want them to know that I am not doing what I am doing to get back at them or wind them up, I am only doing this work to help someone I care about with their work.
I want to have a more positive outlook on life in 2014. So I am going to reset my mood from now. 2013 was write off as far as moods go and now I am starting again.
This will allow me to concentrate on Dave, my career, house hunting and helping Luke live his dreams.
And no...I will not be telling you who this person is. I ask that you respect their privacy in a way that I obviously could not here.
I apologise to them for this blog and hope they understand what I have done does not intend to show them in a bad light. I love them now and always will.
A year ago someone came to me for help. They were lovely and wanted to be my friend. I was going through a rough patch, I sort of do every winter...
Wait...let me give you some context.
In the winter of 2008 I was with a destructive human being who was hurting me mentally. They put me in a state of depression, confusion and self-loathing. I was bed ridden, anxious and although I wanted to die I was too afraid of dying to do it. Much counselling and support from the man who is now my fiance later and I am stronger. I still have relapses and struggle, but I cope a lot better than I did before.
So along comes this nameless person. I was over the moon that they wanted to have anything to do with me. They had recently started seeing someone who is close to my heart and I wanted to get to know the person who could make him so happy. When they needed my help I did what I usually do and jumped to help them.
We got to know each other from there and things were wonderful. That is until I got cut off. To this day I don't know why that happened. I don't want to go into it here.
I want to break here and say that I do not blame this person per se. They are in a really tricky situation. If I were them I would struggle too. It can't be easy being with someone who does what they do for a living. I admire this person for standing by them for all this time and putting up with some of the stuff they do. More on this later.
The result of all this behaviour was that I felt lower than I had since 2008. Not quite that bad, but it was pretty awful. I went through all the motions and also had this person come and go from my life for about seven months. Then there was a weird situation surrounding their birthday and I didn't hear from them until a random birthday message on my birthday.
I feel this merely triggered my mood for 2013. There was a lot else going on behind the scenes but I think it was the straw that broke the camel's back...so to speak.
I want to say again that this person is someone that I admire still. I love them and I wish them all the best. If they decided that they don't want me in their life I have to respect that and move on. If they ever see this though, I want them to know that I only want the best for them and their happiness means more to me than they could ever know. If they ever want to talk to me again I will be more than happy to be open, but I leave it up to them to make contact and understand that things may not be that simple for them. I feel that even I, with the work I do, puts them in a potentially uncomfortable situation. I want them to know that I am not doing what I am doing to get back at them or wind them up, I am only doing this work to help someone I care about with their work.
I want to have a more positive outlook on life in 2014. So I am going to reset my mood from now. 2013 was write off as far as moods go and now I am starting again.
This will allow me to concentrate on Dave, my career, house hunting and helping Luke live his dreams.
And no...I will not be telling you who this person is. I ask that you respect their privacy in a way that I obviously could not here.
I apologise to them for this blog and hope they understand what I have done does not intend to show them in a bad light. I love them now and always will.
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