Get it checked 2017

Cervical Screening

Three years ago I wrote about what it is like to have a cervical screening and, as I have just had another test, I thought I should update what it is like. I thought this one would be all serious but, I have just had the funniest fucking screening in the world! Alright, it was funny to me at the time.

Background and info

First, some background for anyone who missed out on my previous blog (although you can click the link above to read it). Women from the age of 25 are offered a cervical screening every three years and every five years from the age of 50. This is free on the NHS for women in the UK and I think that is the most amazing thing ever! We live in a country where we have access to a free test that saves lives! I know I am really fucking lucky and I will never take this for granted!

Anyway, you get a letter through the post offering you a screening and it comes with a really informative leaflet. You don't have to take the test but it is so worth it to save lives. The leaflet gives you all the info you need to make the choice whether to make an appointment. After reading it how could you not?

This is not a test for cancer but rather for the abnormal cells which may be in the cervix that could become cancerous down the line. If the test comes back showing abnormalities then you can just have those cells removed and it can prevent cancer from forming. This type of cancer is most common in women aged 30-45 who are sexually active but the test is offered earlier than that. 3000 cases of cervical cancer are diagnosed each year on the NHS and that is a hell of a lot of lives to save.

My test

Like always I booked my test in once I got my letter. This is my third test so this is something I am getting used to. Lucky for me I could get an appointment within a week. It is always important to know your dates as you need to make sure you are not on your period when you have the test done.

Anyway, I turned up way too early because the traffic was lighter than expected and all the traffic lights were green (unheard of round my way!). That meant an awkward sit in the car waiting for the surgery to open before I could check in.

Still, my time rolled around and then I had a further 10 minute wait for reasons that are still not clear. I have a theory that whatever time you are given for an appointment you can add at least 10 minutes on to that before you will be seen. All this meant was that I was 10 minutes later in to work...but I digress...this is where shit gets funny.

I go in to see the nurse, who was lovely I might add (they all are) and she ran through the usual questions about was I pregnant or taking anything hormonal. Then she drew the curtain around and assured me that the heater would stay on because the room was freezing cold that day and the radiator wasn't working properly. I do the usual and strip from the waist down and lay on the gurney. The nurse comes in and immediately had to apologise for the lack of a pillow.

You see, one of the other nurses had used her treatment room and stolen the pillow from the gurney! That meant that all patients had to lie flat rather than have something to prop their head up with. With that I blurted out that it was actually quite relaxing to be laid in that position before correcting myself and saying "for now". The nurse, rather ominously, said that I would change my mind in about 30 seconds. *GULP!*

Just as we are in position and ready to go there is a knock on the door. Thankfully there is a curtain in place because when the nurse goes to the door it is a doctor asking for something that he didn't have in his room. This meant another minute or so of laying there with my legs akimbo while the nurse had to find the obscure thing the doctor wanted.

On returning to the end of the gurney the nurse announced two things:

1. She would shoo away anyone else who came to the door asking for random things.
2. She asked me if the lamp was too hot at the end of the gurney.

You see, she went on to explain that she has a habit of leaving the lamp too close to the end of the gurney which sets fire to the paper that you lay on. On this occasion we were left flame free but what a thought that would have been!

The test itself took about 5 seconds and this time I felt nothing. I was told I would get a letter in 3-4 weeks (new system, takes longer apparently) and we said our goodbyes and I was in work in the next few minutes (surgery really close to the office).

My point being that the test itself was nothing to be afraid of and took no time at all. All the other events surrounding the test were just flipping hilarious! With something that takes so little time, why wouldn't you just go for it?

If you live in the UK and want any more info on cervical screening please visit the NHS webpage which gives you all the info you need and will dispel any myths about it. If you still have questions you can make an appointment and talk to your nurse at the time. They always ask if you have any worries or questions about the test so don't be afraid to ask.