Living with anxiety
The article below sums up exactly what it is like to live with an anxiety disorder. I am struck by the similarities and the statement that you feel fear before you even know what it is. The nights are the hardest to cope with when you become more aware of your own mortality. The things that people believe to be simple, such as going shopping, are magnified to terrifying situations because there are unpredictable elements of the trip and people you don't know who will have to talk to you. I know people say to me that some of this is 'normal' and that many people get like it from time to time. When you have been living with it for most of your life then it is scarier than you can imagine. I have memories of being a tot and first becoming aware of death and fear and that following me throughout my life.
Yes, I am confident in my own way. I don't mind getting up and acting or singing in front of people or making a presentation. Yes, I know I am intelligent and I can rationalise, but sometimes I over think situations and imagine the worst possible outcome.
I never know from one day to the next (or even one minute to the next) what I am going to be feeling and if an attack is going to come on.
If I see you in a social situation and I freely talk to you then you know I am having a 'good' day. Some days are just not that simple. I have been going through this as long as I can remember.
Also, there is a fear that people think it isn't a 'real' mental illness and yes I have tried therapy for it and all sorts of other things and some work better than others, but there is no definite 'cure'. I am used to people throwing it back in my face when I open up about it as they think I am being over sensitive or making it up. Trust me, this is not the way anyone should have to live. Never being able to enjoy anything the way others do is horrifying.
Even something as simple as eating an ice-cream makes me over think. I can imagine the fat and cholesterol building up inside me and leading me to death and that makes me lose my appetite and the taste of the ice-cream turns to ash in my mouth.
That is a small example of what this is like every day!
So read this article too for another understanding of anxiety. I know there are lots of people out there who suffer along as well. http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/mar/03/i-exist-in-a-fog-some-days-it-blows-away-but-some-days-its-heavy-and-suffocating?CMP=fb_gu
Yes, I am confident in my own way. I don't mind getting up and acting or singing in front of people or making a presentation. Yes, I know I am intelligent and I can rationalise, but sometimes I over think situations and imagine the worst possible outcome.
I never know from one day to the next (or even one minute to the next) what I am going to be feeling and if an attack is going to come on.
If I see you in a social situation and I freely talk to you then you know I am having a 'good' day. Some days are just not that simple. I have been going through this as long as I can remember.
Also, there is a fear that people think it isn't a 'real' mental illness and yes I have tried therapy for it and all sorts of other things and some work better than others, but there is no definite 'cure'. I am used to people throwing it back in my face when I open up about it as they think I am being over sensitive or making it up. Trust me, this is not the way anyone should have to live. Never being able to enjoy anything the way others do is horrifying.
Even something as simple as eating an ice-cream makes me over think. I can imagine the fat and cholesterol building up inside me and leading me to death and that makes me lose my appetite and the taste of the ice-cream turns to ash in my mouth.
That is a small example of what this is like every day!
So read this article too for another understanding of anxiety. I know there are lots of people out there who suffer along as well. http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/mar/03/i-exist-in-a-fog-some-days-it-blows-away-but-some-days-its-heavy-and-suffocating?CMP=fb_gu
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