The thoughts won't stop racing

There are times when I have to remind myself that everything gets better.

I have a new job to start and before that I am going to Dublin and to see a friend of mine play with his band as support for another band and that should all make me happy and give me something to look forward to right?

Wrong.

I can't seem to focus on the positive things that are coming up in my life because I am not quite there yet. Those in my immediate are determined to make things as hard as possible. I am not talking my family or friends here either, just the other people you meet every day. Some of them are strangers to me and they fleetingly enter my world, cock something up and go again before they are even registered as existing by me.

This leaves me with a strong sense that the whole effort is not worth it. I know I have to hang on to see if things will improve when I have a job and house and whatever. That is sort of keeping me going, but it is tough when you want an easier way out.

On top of that it doesn't help that there are people in my life who I see as close as family and yet I never see them. I have a solid group of friends in Bristol (you know who you are), a good friend in Berkshire, one near Norwich, one in Portsmouth, a good friend in Ireland (I see you as such) and a new good friend in Nottingham. These places are not a million miles away and yet I do not get to see these people as often as I need to. I met them all through the medium of social networking sites and although it meant we found each other and we were brought together in that respect, I have never felt so far apart from them. I love them all so much and I never get to see them.

Then there is Luke. Ah Luke. The only other man (after the wonderful Dave) who can make me smile. Again, he is someone I only get to see a couple of times a year. In fact, he is someone I only got to see when he played with The Dead Lay Waiting. That isn't going to happen ever again so until he decides what he is doing with his solo stuff I don't know when I am going to see him. I don't get to talk to him nearly as much as I would like either. I also sometimes think that I am out of sight, out of mind. I know he is busy at the moment and therefore not really doing anything much in the way of talking to anyone, but I am worried that he will forget I am supposed to be helping him and he won't get back in touch.

I know this all sounds stupid and incoherent, but I have no idea how to put my thoughts in order anymore.

If anyone ever wants to help me out with that then you are most welcome.

I guess, for catharsis, I should keep this blog more up-to-date. I will try at least. I will make myself document the things I do. I guess the next one should be about Dublin then...

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