Adulthood, who needs it?

When I was a child I really couldn’t wait for the moment that I would become an adult and have the responsibility to look out for myself.  I honestly thought that I would enjoy it and that I would be somehow significant in the grand scheme of things, that I would make a difference to people’s lives and that I would take their breaths away.

The trouble with growing up is that it happens too quickly.  I now have a greater understanding of the world and I yearn for those halcyon days when I had not a care in the world and so little responsibility.  It has become clear to me over recent years that I am not the significant human I thought I would be.  I can’t expect to make an impression for nothing, I have to make an impression for myself.

Don’t get me wrong.  The basics of my life are wonderful.  I have a wonderful boyfriend, I have a wonderful job that I am about to start with much excitement and a wonderful family who loves me.  Essentially my life is grand.  So why do I seek the validation of others?

Obviously as I am lucky enough to come from a stable family background I am going to have the love and support of my family and this has extended to my boyfriend so this is going to sound like a bitchy rant that is worth nothing.  If I have everything so good there, why do I seek the validation of friends and colleagues?  I have never felt like I fit in and I guess my mind has latched on to a couple of events in my life and run off with them.  

When I was 15 my birthday fell on a Friday and every one of my friends forgot because Children in Need was on.  Now I want to qualify this by saying that I am all for giving to charity as I do so once a month to the charity of my choice, but I resent a lot of overpaid D listers telling me that I should give my hard earned pounds when they give what exactly?  The point is I felt that I was ignored somehow and it was the strangest, most dream like experience of my life.

This last year I turned 25 and talk about history repeating itself.  If my wonderful boyfriend hadn’t arranged for members of his family to come out I would have been sat on my own that night I am sure as I was turned down by all again.

Now I am to leave my current place of employment…a lot can happen between now and then, but I will hold my breath in hope as long as I can.  After all when I left my previous place of employment no one even noticed I had gone.  Then again working in retail is a weird world I have to say.

I guess what I should have said in a shortened version that as I have grown up I have realised that although I am happy with the independence and the responsibility adulthood can bring, outside factors make it more difficult to exist.

We look forward to the moment we will have more control over our lives, when we can break away from the influence of our parents and make our lives what we want them to be.  Then we reach adulthood and realise we are affected by economy, government, law, tax, convention.  There are deadlines and expectations of adult behaviour.  Anyone not fitting to convention is thrown out by society.  They are ostracised, vilified and forgotten.

The promise of adulthood we had as children melts into something new.  Something that is both fantastic and terrible at once.  Something that we enjoy and endure.  This happens until we reach the stage where we long for our youth, forgetting how we once longed for our adulthood.

We spend our childhood wishing time away as minutes feel like hours and we spend our adulthood wishing our time back as minutes feel like nanoseconds.

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